Arriving at the US border and when the border patrol holds out a hand to receive your passport…. most people hand it over quietly and say nothing unless spoken to.
Not me.
I arrive, hold on to my passport and start the conversation with, “See, here’s the thing, I have a problem and I’m pretty sure you’re going to turn me around and send me home because I’m a bit of an idiot.”
If nothing else, you break the ice and pique their curiosity.
“Now why would I do that?” he asks….
“Because I brought the wrong passport… I mean it’s mine, but it’s expired. I was so focused on remembering my receipt for the parcel I am picking up in Blaine, that I grabbed my old passport and didn’t realize it until about 8 cars back there”
“Do you have a driver’s licence?”
OK, seriously, is that some kind of a trick question? Of course I do…. I’m sitting in front of him in a car… what am I going to say… NO!?! That would have been interesting….. don’t be sarcastic Paige, don’t be sarcastic….. control the urge….
I hand it over and he tells me it’s not the end of the world. Oh? Things are looking up! Maybe I didn’t just drive an hour and a half and sit in a 20 minute lineup for nothing.
I’m usually fine at the border, but this time I’m rattled and babbling like an idiot. I think he thinks I’m funny because he keeps saying it’s OK, asks if I do have a valid passport, I say “yes, effective May 09, it’s just in the drawer at home where it’s really safe”, but that “When I get home I’m going to put them in different drawers”.
Duh!
Astonishingly he decides I am not a threat to National Security and tells me to go ahead and get my package. Awesome, now I just get to tell the Canadian Border Guard what an idiot I am on the way back. At least they will let me come home, probably just give me “that look” on the way in.
Five minutes later I have my parcel and five minutes after that I roll up to the Canadian Border and have the pleasure of a stone faced woman who doesn’t find it amusing that I have arrived at her window without a valid passport…. and start the conversation by holding my passport back and beginning with “See, here’s the thing….”
But she doesn’t really say anything…looks at my receipt, asks if that’s all I’m bringing back (yes), asks if this is my car (yes), registered to me? (Well if I just said it is mine who else would it be registered to!!?!?! SHHHH, inner voice!!! “yes”).
“On your way”
So, not a total waste of time in the end. Whew!
Old passport safely tucked away in a place I’ll never look!
